Archive for the ‘Lisa Marie Presley’ Category

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Lisa Marie Presley’s Feet

Click To Enlarge Feet

The football world was stunned recently when Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher made rumblings about his lavish contract and how unhappy he was with it, and that he might walk, yadda, yadda, yadda. The good news is that Lisa Marie Presley is ready to jump in if push ever comes to shove in the Windy City. Yes, that Lisa Marie- the daughter of The King and swimsuit centerfold for the Ben & Jerry’s Illustrated inaugural edition. Lisa, who plans to compete in this year’s Mr. Olympia, has obviously packed it on since the days she moonwalked down the aisle with Michael Jackson. But haven’t we all. Born in Tennessee, the get very heavy later in life state, Lisa lived in Graceland - which as we all know was the nexus of mental stability. Rumors of Lisa running a comb through her father’s oily pompadour in forbidden moments are flatly denied, however. As any Maharani of Memphis, Lisa Marie was quite pampered and indulged by Elvis who dressed her in fur, lavished her with jewels, and, as the story goes, flew her to Idaho aboard the family private jet just so Lisa could play in the snow. To this day, Lisa Marie maintains that idyllic tradition, only now it’s for impromptu autograph sessions at Fatburger. From the time she was young, Lisa attended schools of scientology, but her brain was often sent to the principal’s office for an ethics car wash. Hard to imagine, considering Elvis’ spotless legacy, but Lisa has admitted to experimenting with drugs. By the time she was 25, Lisa Marie scored the big money when everyone connected to the Elvis holdings was dead, gone, and she became the sole executor of the Heartbreak Hotel residuals. Marriages she’s had a few, but then again, too few to mention. There was some bozo in 1988 and then Jackson, of course. And Nicholas Cage whose own fading hairline could never quite duplicate Elvis’, felt threatened and yammered about “irreconcilable differences.” But we all know the truth to that one. A fourth try with compulsory visits to Lisa’s private Graceland has apparently put her in the Mama Cass condition we now see. Which puts us in a quandary. If we come down heavy on a pregnanto, we’re seen as vicious, cold-hearted sexist bastards seeking the cheap foot thrill. And the point being? “Don’t be cruel to a heart that’s true,” the King often sang. But even with that princely advice we can’t help ignore certain fetish realities. Chunky is as chunky does. The lights turn low, the shoes come off. Put a quarter in the jukebox, Slim. “1″ is the loneliest number….

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