Archive for the ‘Diane Kruger’ Category

Friday, April 25th, 2008

Diane Kruger’s Feet - Perfection

Click To Enlarge Feet

Everybody knows blonde bombshell Diane Kruger as the chick from National Treasures. But, like the pretty magician’s assistant, Kruger’s primary role in those pictures is a diversionary tactic from Nicholas Cage’s hair line. In the third film to be released, Cage finds clues to his scalp. When The Kruge wasn’t so famous, she went totally nude-o in the film Troy and one must be in possession of the director’s cut for full appreciation of Diane’s majestic ass cleavage. Kruger was born Diane Heidkrüger, the German word for “my nasal passages are clogged with gold bars.” She’s the daughter of Hans-Heinrich Heidkrüger the Lord High Mayor of Algermissen, and is possibly a distant third and fourth cousin of Heidi Klum and Heidi Fleiss, respectively, though our research assistants are still looking into these possible connections. In high school Diane rose to prominence in the randy, XXX-rated stage version of Hansel and Gretel where, in a threeway, the wicked witch eats Gretel while Gretel gives wood to the woodcutter. An injury ended The Kruge’s chances of becoming a ballerina and lucky for us since The Kruge never really pulled off the dead swan bit. Because she had a thick German accent, Kruger’s natural inclination was to solicit train commuters for their papers but soon acquired a startling facility with English and was able to get out of traffic tickets. The Kruge soon became interested in acting and took lessons at the Cours Florent which was eventually bought out by Coors Light. Then, in a puzzling turn of events, she altered her last name apparently under the misguided impression it would facilitate her movie career. In this pic The Kruge almost has an ethereal Jessica Lange quality about her and was born the year Lange appeared in King Kong. Coincidence? We don’t think so. Though any woman’s shoe bedecked with the crown jewels of Prussia should be outlawed, our natural inclination is to have recreational knowledge of Diane’s au natural heidkrugers. We give her an “8″ with the passing comment Ich werde ganz nervös, wenn ich Deutsch spreche. She’ll know what we mean.

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